New Year, New Name—Still Me.

a vulnerable backstory and some new perks, too 😉

Okay, I know it’s not the new year yet, but I couldn’t wait to spill the news!

Welcome to “Loving the Dark Parts”

Formerly “Kaitlyn’s Substack”

When I created this space a few months ago, I wasn’t quite sure what it would turn into; but as I’ve started writing and reflecting more, the layers have been peeling back like a sweet, blooming peony, and it has become more clear to me. Although this Substack is still evolving (and always will, as we will), this is where we’re at right now.

Photo by Liubov Ilchuk on Unsplash

This is also thanks to my recent look into where I want my business to go since quitting my part time job and freeing up some energy. As I was working on my messaging and new offers for my business, I noticed one line standing out:

to love the dark parts to light.

I don’t subscribe to the “love and light only” without the other side of the spectrum. We are not all love and light—we all have dark parts—and those dark parts are equally as lovable. The dark parts are arguably the most important parts. They are the parts that make us human.

The parts we hide are usually where our greatest gifts lie.

My mission is to bring light to the darkness, without dismissing it; to honour it as it is, and to share it vulnerably, with pride. I would love for this space to be a place of connection that honours the dark, just as it does the light. A place where we can practice keeping our hearts open and soft in order to feel everything this wonderful, messy, beautiful life has to offer.

Because without the dark, there is no light.

If you’re new here, or if you didn’t know, I’ve been sober since 2020.

In 2019, my body started to fail me when I was drinking consistently. I passed out on the floor of a bar in Thailand for a good five minutes, long enough for my lips to turn blue (we’re pretty sure it was a seizure). I continued to drink and continued to have symptoms after that day; it got so unbearable that I couldn’t leave the house without fear of passing out again, so I finally went to the hospital a month later.

My lovely IV adornment during my stay at the hospital.

Yeah, I didn’t go to the hospital right after the seizure; it didn’t even cross my mind that my life might be worth anything or that I might have a problem. It was only when I couldn’t physically leave the house anymore that I decided it might be time to see someone, all because of pure inconvenience.

Grateful for my friend Brandy, who took this (unflattering) photo and stayed by my side.

I left my stay at the hospital with not much other than sinus medication (they noticed mucous in the MRI, no sign of epilepsy though), some Tylenol, a follow up appointment, and a big fat bill to pay for my two nights all inclusive stay at the hotel de Chiang Mai Ram, since my travel insurance wouldn’t cover it right away—at least I was responsible enough to have insurance. I actually had to leave my passport there because I didn’t have enough money to cover it all.

Two weeks later I made another trip down the mountain to the city for my follow up (and to get my passport and pay my bill), where they suggested I make a visit to psych. After a 10 minute visit with the psychiatrist, she sent me on my way with a handful of Lexapro, Alprazolam, and Clonazepam.

Not much changed after the hospital visit; I kept the benzos, tossed the antidepressants in the closet, and kept drinking.¹

I remember showing up to my online job, teaching English to children from China, with a bottle of beer under my desk and a homemade bong beside my laptop; that was when I showed up, rather than cancelling my classes last minute, which happened a lot near the end. By that time I was smoking weed everyday since I had discovered that helped ease the symptoms of my drinking.

Up until 2020, I drank to hide the parts of myself I didn’t want to see; the parts I wasn’t ready to see. I drank to feel normal in a world that the real me didn’t seem to fit into so easily. I drank to numb the pain of the depression, panic, and feelings of inadequacy.

At the beginning of 2020, something shifted in me—looking back, this is when my progressed moon moved into Scorpio, the North Node passed over my ascendant, Saturn squared my moon, and I was on the precipice of my Saturn return.

I felt defeated.

I felt annoyed that epilepsy was ruled out because it meant the problem wasn’t physical—I couldn’t see it, there was no explanation in my mind. There was no excuse for my body to be failing me, and it was the most frustrating period of my life.

This was around the time I found

Jen Johnson

(I can’t even remember how). I signed up for her Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction e-course and started getting into some old practices like journalling and yoga; slowly bringing mindfulness back into my daily life. This online course was the jumping off point for my healing, and I’m forever grateful that I found it when I did. Thank you, Jen.

I had already been a trained yoga teacher for 2.5 years by this point, but you would never know by looking at me.

Later that year, while quarantining at home in Canada during the pandemic, I stumbled upon the world of astrology and started learning my own chart. In the process, I uncovered a lot of my own shadows—the subconscious parts of me I couldn’t see on my own; parts that I didn’t want to see before.

My homemade flashcards used when I was first learning the zodiac signs

By then I wasn’t drinking anymore, so I didn’t have anywhere to hide. It was also the middle of a pandemic, so I didn’t have anywhere to run.

I was doing yoga everyday (thinking back, I’m pretty sure yoga became my new addiction during that period) and studying my astrology chart online with a group of others who were ready to see themselves, too.

It was through the process of truly seeing myself—my whole self—that I was able to love myself, truly and deeply.

Learning astrology changed my life; actually, I’m convinced learning astrology saved my life because if it wasn’t for the knowledge and the invitation to love the dark parts of myself, I believe would still be drinking and I would probably not be earth side anymore.

Astrology was the fast track to my healing.

I was able to see all the parts of me; the good, the bad, and the ugly, in a way that offered me an opportunity to love each part of me that makes me who I am. Through the process, I was able to reflect on and reframe the parts of my operating system that needed an upgrade. Which is why I’m committed to sharing my story with others so they feel safe enough to love the dark parts and honour their shadows, too.

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So now that you have some back story, let’s get down to business.

With this new name change to my Substack comes some other changes as well…

I’ve given the subscription tiers an overhaul.

For free subscribers, nothing has changed. You will still be able to read, comment, and engage on all posts without spending a dime—YAY! I want to continue to make this space as accessible as possible, and this means keeping the paywall out of the way.

The changes come into play for paid tiers. I’ve been thinking of ways I can increase value for those who are financially supporting my work, as a way to say thank you for believing in me. You are the reason I’m able to do what I love and focus more time on my writing.

I was honestly shocked to see paid subscribers popping in so soon, and I’m so grateful that you see me and the value of my words.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Paid subscribers now receive:

• everything a free subscriber gets, plus

• a 10% discount on all current offers at KR Coaching & Astrology

• free access to my New Moon Workshops

Founding Members now receive:

• everything a paid subscriber gets, plus

• one free astrology reading

• a handwritten letter of gratitude sent to you, from me²

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To celebrate the launch of these new perks and the new name, I would like to offer a special discount to be used before the end of January 2024!

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I’m excited to see where this passion project continues to grow. My goal is to share my life experiences as they happen, as well as taking some trips to the past in reflection, in hopes that it will inspire something within you, the reader. Sometimes with an astrological filter, sometimes without, but it will always be real.

It won’t only be dark parts shared here—the idea is to have the full spectrum of life and all of the emotions that it entails.

📣 I’m also launching a new collaborative series,

which will feature other Substackers in the form of astro interviews (either written and/or Podcast style). If you would like to collaborate, please fill out this Google Form and I will be in contact with you.

My idea with this new series is to feature fellow creatives, business owners, or anyone who is on the path of living a life true to them. If you have something to promote, be sure to let me know and we can showcase all you have to offer!

I’m excited to connect 🥰

And lastly, there’s a Podcast coming soon! 🎙️

I’ve kind of eluded to it above, but here it is! As I’ve been pouring more energy into Substack, I’ve noticed how nicely a Podcast will run along side the written words shared here. The Podcast is named Speak to the Dark Parts (see what I did there?) and it will feature those collaborations of the spoken word mentioned above, as well as solo projects that will bring more astrology and real life talk—out loud. The plan is to roll the podcast out slowly, so stay tuned.

If there is anything you would like to see in this space in 2024, please let me know in the comments below. I wouldn’t be here without your support, and your feedback is forever appreciated.

1. I definitely don’t recommend anyone do this. While I believe there are steps we can take to live more holistically, sometimes we need medication to help us along. There is no shame in taking medication, and I would never advise you to go against the recommendation of a doctor without proper research and listening to your body first. I was not listening to my body, or the doctor.

2. these letters will be sent via snail mail if you would like to share your mailing address, otherwise I will send you a digital handwritten note.