'Tis the Season for Letting Go
of unhealthy habits, addiction, insecurities, and the need to control.
I threw out what I had previously planned for the grand entrance of the sun into Pisces. This isn’t perfect, but it’s real—and that’s my mission here in this space… to be real.
We spent the last month in airy Aquarius, mostly residing in our head space with our big ideas to change the world. I’ve been questioning my relationships and asking myself what I would like to experience in community.
Who are my friends? What do I want and need in relationship? What am I willing to share with others? How can I contribute to my community? How can I contribute to a better world for all?
Thoughts swirl around at the speed of light with so many personal planets in innovative Aquarius.
Pisces, however, is mutable water—it’s the mist in the morning air, you know it’s there but you can’t quite grasp it. It’s our intuition, the spirit world, and everything outside of ourselves; until we realise it’s not actually outside of us because we are one.
Pisces feels everything because it is one with everything.
The pain, the beauty, the love and compassion; all of it. Unless it hasn’t gotten a hold of its waters, then it may feel the need to escape—as if the pain of the world is too much to bear that it needs to be numbed.
How do you release what isn’t yours to hold? How do you keep your vessel clear?
The last sign of the zodiac holds pieces of each sign that comes before it. It shows us how connected we really are if we just allow space to notice. Pisces Season calls for rest, release, and listening to the message beyond the words.
Like this song that started playing unintentionally from my back pocket when I put my phone in my jeans this morning:
Synchronicity becomes a word at the forefront of our experience, and funny enough I opened my notes this morning to see
share this lovely reminder:Pisces mutability is the ability to change and move with the waters, it sits at the end of the season; just in time to let go of everything that we no longer want to take into the Astrological New Year, the Spring (or Fall in the Southern Hemisphere).
You may feel called to cleanse your space, body, mind, or spirit.
Clear space is essential in opening to the signs and synchronicities. If we’re bogged down there’s no way to notice the magic of what’s to come. Take note of where your attention goes, the messages you hear, and the signs that come through. There’s a reason for it.
I’ve noticed my own desire to distance myself from over-consumption—specifically food and social media. As someone who’s struggled with addiction, I have a tendency to lean towards too much. I have to check myself when I’ve been scrolling away the day, as many of us do. My mind knows I shouldn’t be laying in bed for the umpteenth hour; I can hear my thoughts saying “close the app,” but my body is so addicted to the dopamine spikes, leaving me wanting more while my finger physically refuses to swipe up and close the app.
Speaking of synchronicity, I’ve been moving through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and this week I’ve been tasked with a “Reading Deprivation,” which I will be starting tomorrow.
Right on time.
In the Chapter, Julia says,
“Reading deprivation is a very powerful tool—and a very frightening one. Even thinking about it can bring up enormous rage. For most blocked creatives, reading is an addiction. We gobble the words of others rather than digest our own thoughts and feelings, rather than cook up something of our own.”
It’s a dangerous game. Addiction is addiction, and I’m prone to it.
Interestingly enough, the reason I’m feeling called to a physical cleanse is because I feel that my body is no longer digesting my food. I can feel it sitting in the depths of my belly, as if it were a physical manifestation of the thoughts and feelings Julia describes above. My appetite is suppressed and it feels as though I can’t take in any more food (or information).
Even as I sit here and craft this introduction to Pisces season I feel myself wondering what all the other astrologers are saying about it. Am I saying the right thing? Am I missing anything? What if what I say doesn’t land? I’m sure I’ll read something later and think to myself “damn that’s good, why didn’t I think of that?”
recently wrote something that spoke to this feeling, in her latest piece Writing on Substack can feel intimidating sometimes,“To share with others who also consume and produce words makes you inevitably self-conscious about how you formulate yourself. To claim otherwise would feel slightly utopian (like the footballer who claims to not care if he misses a shot).”
I click around to see all the things about Pisces Season filtering through my eyes, into my head. I realize I’m fucking myself over by clouding my own thoughts with the words of everyone else that isn’t me. I exit the apps and come back to centre.
Take a break, take a shower. Cleanse.
My brain and body are clouded with insecurities. Insecurities are what led me down the road of addiction to begin with, and when I feel my insecurities creeping up it’s a warning flag to stop and ask myself, “which way do I want to go?” because we all have choices. I have choices.
I made a decision, but everyday I make a choice that either supports it or steers in another direction. I have the power to choose.
While I’m no longer consuming an overwhelming amount of alcohol, I am still over-consuming. Sometimes that happens in sobriety; the addiction transfers over to another area of life until we get to the root of the addiction itself; the pain and suffering underneath the mask. In my experience, it creeps up when I least expect it, until I realise I’m deep into the hole of another addiction—whether it be social media, food, exercise, work, recognition—which can be tricky because some of these things can be seen as healthy, but an addiction is an addiction, no matter how “healthy” society pegs the act to be.
It boggles my mind that drug addicts get a bad rep, while workoholics are prized for their hard work. It’s two sides of the same coin.
Which is why I’m choosing to cleanse. Cleanse my body and my mind, in hopes that it will bring me closer to my spirit. Letting go of everything else that no longer serves my mission, bringing me closer to my true essence.
In my mind I see an image of men embracing monkhood. Sitting in a chair outside of the temple, while someone shaves the hair off of their head, eyebrows and all. There’s a process of letting go of the old, stagnant energy in order to get closer to God—setting our ego to the side.
We surrender and accept the control is ultimately out of our hands.
The more we try to control, the further from God we get.
Surrender brings us closer to the source, because it signals “I trust you to hold me even when I don’t know what will come. I trust that I will be okay even through the pain. I trust that when I face the pain, I will come out on the other side.”
As
mentions in her piece,“And the only thing I can do in such an instant is to accept it, be at peacewith it and let it go. For someone else’s interpretation and experience of my writing is out of my realm of control.”
I’m tired of crafting perfect outlooks based on what I think everyone else is doing. I realize I’m off course when I’m looking outside for inspiration, especially when it turns into imposter syndrome and not-enoughness.
I am enough.
As long as I’m leading with purpose, the rest will fall into place. As long as I’m connected to my intention, everything else will follow.
I am connecting to my heart, to spirit, and therefore connecting to you, the reader. I don’t need to have “all the right words” because what does that even mean?
The right words for who?
So this is why I threw out what I had previously planned for the grand entrance of the sun into Pisces. This isn’t perfect, but it’s real—and that’s my mission here in this space… to be real. And the moment I feel myself straying from that mission is the moment I will make the conscious choice to come back to centre.
I start my 21 day cleanse1 on Friday, and although it’s not directly related to astrology, it is indirectly related because it is part of the Pisces process of letting go. Letting go of all that I don’t want to carry with me into Aries season. It is stripping away all that is not me, so I can fully show up as myself in the next season of life.
I expect the process to be deeply challenging as I face restriction and I can already feel the desire to throw it all away and binge, but I think sharing the process with you will also be an extra layer of accountability.
Even saying it out loud on the internet is making my palms sweat—there’s a special type of responsibility to follow through when others know about it. I’m happy to share with you, but if you’d rather I not, I’ll keep it in my journal and close to my heart.
And if you’re doing something this season that requires some accountability or support, why not put it in the comments and share it with the internet. Say it out loud and take that first step of commitment to yourself.
My challenge to you is to take something away this month, rather than add something new into your routine. Where are you feeling heavy? How can you create more space?
As a reminder, my newest Program is open for enrolment:
Emotionally Empowered is an 8-week journey to understanding and embodying your emotional landscape. In a small group of up to eight women, we will explore and connect with our natural 28-day cycle, while learning tips to self regulate based on the moon in astrology. If you are interested, or know someone who may be interested, you can sign up here. Paid subscribers get 10% off, so if you’ve been considering signing up, now may be the time!
I’m not recommending you do the same, unless you feel called. This is a personal decision that I feel in my body is right for me. If this is something you’re interested in, I suggest feeling into your own body and talking to your doctor to decide if it’s right for you.
Oh my gosh, Kaitlyn. Where do I even begin? There’s so much I love about this… your vulnerability. Your ability to tap into what your body needs. Your clarity on what you need to do next.
You’ve inspired me to think more deeply on synchronicity, and signs, and what I need to let go _of_ instead of adding to my life during this season. Something I’ll definitely be contemplating, as I’ve been feeling the recent feeling of ‘indigestion’ too! Perhaps the overabundance of Air had us firing on all cylinders; the recent shift to Water felt like a heavy kerplunk. I’ve been sick at home the past two days and this piece has been extra illuminating 🎐🤍
All the best for your 21 day cleanse - I’ll miss you here obviously but I cannot wait for the stories you’ll tell. You are absolutely magnificent my friend. Don’t you ever forget it x