What Was I Made For?

Saturn retrograde slump—moving from productivity to true purpose.

Hi, I’m Kaitlyn 👋

I write about real life through the lens of astrology. My goal is to help as many people as possible learn to love themselves for who they are—dark parts and all. I believe the parts we were taught to hide are where our true gifts lie. 

My focus is to inspire you to feel confident enough to shine without the fear, regardless of the expectations of others.

What if it isn’t as good as the last one?

I ask myself as I sit here, feeling frustrated that I’ve seemingly taken ten steps backwards in my business. Stalling the launch of my newest program on purpose (on purpose?), feeling like an imposter as I wonder if I’m on the right track, once again.

I’ve been feeling lost, much like when I was four years old and had wandered a little too far into the forest in the backyard of my dad’s house, as kids did back then. I walked and walked with my cousin by my side, until we turned around one too many times and couldn’t find our way back out. Fear and embarrassment flooded my cheeks in the form of redness and cool tears fell down those heated cheeks as I realised I had failed. 

Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash

Since Saturn stationed retrograde a month ago, I’ve slowed down, too.

My business has been essentially paused—which is an act (or lack thereof) I tend to lean into when something good happens and I start to question my abilities to do this.

To do any of it.

The business, the life abroad, the hobbies, the friends, the family, the community—life itself. 

At least back then I was lost in the forest with my cousin by my side, and my Border Collie to lead us back to the light of day after hearing our cries in the distance.

Now it’s just me, trying to dig myself out of self doubt and finding a pace that feels truly satisfying—one step at a time.

Saturn has been moving through my tenth house of vocation since March, and now that it is seemingly moving backwards in the sky, I’m left with the task of reviewing boundaries and the structures in that area of my life.¹

Look to where 12-19° Pisces lies in your own chart, and this will tell you which area of your life is up for a similar review. You may be feeling it now, even without looking to your chart. Feel free to share in the comments if you’d like.

Saturn is the timekeeper, and this point in his journey can have us reflecting on the construct of time, as we either feel we have too much of it, or not enough. I find it’s usually the latter.

The first half of the year was productive—whatever that means.

I’m currently at war with the conditioned me, and the me I want to be (and truly am), so I’ve noticed myself challenging what these terms like “productive, rest, worth, and identity” truly mean to me. 

At the beginning of the year, I went all in on my business. I hired a coach, started posting on social media more, launched and ran a successful group program, and put more energy into this newsletter and Substack as a whole. I travelled to Malaysia and Japan, left a relationship, put my heart into the gym, and took care of myself in new ways.

Damn. That’s a lot, looking back.

As I reflect, the parts that brought me the most joy (a feeling I’m now trying to use as a compass to success) were the group program and this community. 

Before the Emotionally Empowered Group Program was born, I knew I wanted to help other women connect to their emotional body by way of their moon sign, while connecting to their own natural cycles by following the moon and using it as a practical tool.² I was nervous to launch, but to my surprise, three beautiful women signed up and trusted me to guide them. It was life-changing for all of us.

I’ve not felt such joy and alignment in my business for a while, if ever. 

I immediately moved forward in planning a second round, without really tapping into my own desires and capacity—was it something I actually wanted to do? Or was I running on the adrenaline reserves?

As the dust settled, it quickly became clear I didn’t want to do the second round right away, and I let it fall to the side.

Substack (this newsletter) has also been a beacon of joy for me. The slow pace and opportunity to truly connect with readers and other writers has been a joy I don’t feel on other platforms—maybe it’s the energy I bring to each separate platform, or maybe it’s the platform itself. I’m not entirely sure.

There are also parts that were less fulfilling, like social media—a relationship I’m currently getting more curious about.

---

This morning I received an email from one of the women from the previous group program, asking how she can pay for the next program.

That’s when it clicked.

I have something to offer that can truly help others, and I’m doing them a disservice by holding myself back. I’m also doing a disservice to myself, and my own purpose, by keeping it all inside out of fear.

Often when I connect with my fear in relation to my business, it’s a fear of success—which may sound absolutely insane. There’s a lot to unpack there, so let’s leave that for another post.

The email came at the perfect time, as I needed a reminder of how much joy I felt leading a group. As I’ve spent the last while leaning into rest, I’ve also started feeling antsy, waiting for clues that would lead me back onto the path.

---

Getting lost isn’t as bad as it sounds.

When my cousin and I were lost in the forest, we were free. We followed the rusty old trailer covered with wildflowers after years of hiding, the bees bouncing from flower to flower, the birds singing their songs, and our imagination as we lived a scene similar to one straight out of Indiana Jones—our senses leading us further away from the beaten path, but closer to our hearts—our joy.

My purpose isn’t found in what I produce—it can be expressed there, but it’s not all of it.

It’s found in every small action I take throughout the day. It’s found when I follow my joy. It doesn’t go away when I’m in a season of rest—it shows up in the way I get ready for bed, the way I make breakfast in the morning, the way I care for my dog, and how I care for myself. It shows in conversations with strangers and loved ones, in the smile to the barista, and the thanks for my morning coffee. It shows up in the lives of those I’ve served in the past, whether through a short interaction or long, as they continue to walk their own path, and as I walk mine. It shows up in those who I’ve yet to serve, as they await my next season of emergence.

It’s not in the money I make or the content I put on my feed. It’s in the words I choose to speak because I know every word is a spell. It’s the meaning behind why I wake up every morning, why I choose to stay on this earth, and why my soul chose to incarnate in the first place. 

I am not my work, but through my work is one way I can express my purpose.

---

So, that brings me to the official launch of Pathway to Purpose—a group program designed to lead you to alignment, where you’ll be walking your own pathway to purpose.

It’s not a straight path, but knowing these parts of you will make it easier to get back on the path, or to forge a new one when the time is right.

We will work to shed the expectations placed on you by leaning into your true essence; working in tandem with your personal astrology and your own internal compass.

This program is about finding purpose and truly living it from the inside out, rather than chasing external successes—because purpose isn’t only found in what you produce.

We will start on August 14, 2024 for eight weeks. 

This program is for you if you are:

• in a period of reflection or wondering what’s next

• considering a big life transition or a refresh

• ready to feel confident walking the path you know you’re destined to take (and already on)

• wanting to create a sense of internal confidence, rather than relying on external success metrics

Each week we will dive into a specific part of your astrology chart to unlock the parts of your journey that make up your purpose. You will learn how to turn challenges into gifts, to embody your soul-led self, find inner confidence and clarity on what’s next for you, and to use your astrology as a tool to know yourself more deeply. 

This isn’t the typical purpose driven course asking you to push, push, push; but rather a Pathway to Purpose back to your soul, your essence, and your being (not your doing). It’s a coming home—a moving with intention and releasing expectations.

Find your purpose in the day to day moments, and bring those parts of yourself into everything you do.

*Paid Substack Subscribers get 10% off. Reach out to me at kaitlyn@kaitlynramsay.com if you’re ready to jump in!

**Payment plans are also available on request.

Important Program Details:

• We will meet on Zoom once a week starting mid-August for a lesson and unpacking your individual chart.³

• You receive one free 1:1 video call with me to use at any point during the 8-weeks.

• Access to a private Telegram group during our time together.

• PDF worksheets, slides, and more!

This program is unique because it uses a specific framework created from my own experiences and knowledge of astrology. Participants receive personalised information based on their unique astrology chart—no cookie-cutter paths here.

If you have questions, reach out directly or comment below.

If you found this post insightful, please tap the little ♡ below to help it reach more people who may find it insightful, too.

1. Retrogrades happen when the planet looks to be travelling backwards from our view on Earth. The planet doesn’t actually move backwards, but from our perspective, it looks to.

2. https://kaitlynramsay.com/emotionally-empowered-group-program

3. Depending on the amount of registrants, I may add a second call in the week or a pre-recorded lesson to allow for adequate time to unpack your individual charts.