I Quit My Job.

and I feel better than I have in months, even though I have no clue what's next.

I knew it was coming, and it didn’t take an astrologer to figure it out.

For months I’ve been feeling drained from a part-time job working approximately five hours per week because it felt more like 50 hours by the time I added on the unnecessary mental and emotional labour.

Every time I would log on to work, my body would tense up, my smartwatch would tell me my heart rate was similar to as if I were taking a brisk afternoon walk, and my chest would be so tight that I couldn’t even breathe.

I was logging into a place that didn’t value my worth or appreciate the work I had done, and it felt heavy.

Initially, I took this job as a safety net and a way to expand my skills while I got my business off the ground. It was perfect because I was working barely any hours, which left an abundance of time in the day to work on my true love—my business.

After learning the ropes of the job and the company itself, I started feeling more comfortable; we had an awesome team with great energy—we worked so well together and I felt like part of a real team for the first time in a long while.

(If you’re reading this, you know who you are, and I love you)

I leaned deeper into this work because it felt nourishing to be there.

This all fell apart when things (that I won’t go into here) happened, and soon I was the only one left. It went downhill from there and I quickly realised it was no longer an environment that would allow me to grow, but rather an environment that had me feeling smaller and smaller by the day.

I was putting so much energy into this part-time job because it felt safe and I completely left my business to rot on the side.

It’s funny how we (and by we, I mean I) do that…

We make the safer choice because it feels comfortable. We don’t have to take any risks or put ourselves out there. We tell ourselves it’s safe, even though we’re unhappy, unfulfilled, and completely dissatisfied.

It’s a false sense of safety.

By the end of it, I was so worn down that I would have stress dreams, snap at my coworkers and my loved ones, and stay in bed way longer than I needed to just to avoid the day; I wasn’t nourishing my body or moving at all.

All of my energy was going towards a company who didn’t value my hard work and detailed effort, and I didn’t have anything left for myself.

I was falling into a depression again, and I knew there was only one way to get out of it.

That resignation email sat in my drafts for a week, and before that I had mulled back and forth over quitting for a few months. This decision was literally sucking every ounce of energy out of me.

Until Friday.

When I finally had the courage to push the damn send button.

After sending the email, I had what felt like the best sleep of my life.

And I’ve been continuing to have restorative sleeps ever since.

I still feel as though I’m in the in between and I know it will take time to find my feet again, but I know I made the right choice. I already feel lighter, even though there is so much uncertainty when it comes to my next steps; but now I know I will have the energy to figure it out.

I trust myself to figure it out.

But first, I’m committed to taking the time to nourish myself again.

I’m committed to taking care of myself and listening to my body.

I’m committed to pursuing creative projects that light me up, for no reason other than pure enjoyment.

I’m committed to putting myself first and to following my intuition to follow my path—to wherever it takes me.

Yesterday I opened a new email from one of my new favourite Substack writers

Paul Millerd

, where he talked about the idea of “leaving money on the table” after watching a video by Ali Abdaal.

Leaving Money on The Table | #250

In the newsletter he writes,

“We are long on tactics but short on sharing ideas around the inner game of how to carve a path that is true to your own nature.”

The whole post prompted me to think about Pluto in Capricorn and the upcoming ingress of Pluto into Aquarius. As next month (January 2024) we will be experiencing a big shift.

We experienced it briefly at the beginning of 2023, from March until June, so we’ve gotten a little taste already.

Pro tip: Think back to March-June 2023, what was going on for you?

This may bring some insight as to what Pluto in Aquarius means for you, as an individual.

I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments!

While you’re thinking about that, we should rewind the Time Machine and reflect on the past 15 years of Pluto in Capricorn.

This brings us back to 2008—the Great Recession, until now.

Capricorn is an earth sign. Earth is material—the physical, 3D, tangible world.

Since 2008, the focus has been on resources. We watched the economy completely crumble before our eyes and we saw what “scarcity mindset” felt like. I was still pretty young at this point, but the effects of 2008 are still very much running through our blood.

We were faced with the fear of lack—that there isn’t enough to go around, and I still see it in so many of us (including myself) to this day.

But since Pluto has been making its way through Capricorn, many of us have become aware of our scarcity mindset and are taking steps to heal it.

I often think of our current societal structure as a pyramid—there is someone at the top with the power and control. The big man sitting in an office while the minions are in their cubicles working from 9-to-5 under the fluorescent lights, making a fraction of what the big boss is.

No shame if this is your path, but I sure as hell know it’s not mine.

I tried it, and while I was consistently climbing the ladder, I quickly realised it’s not the life for me (more on that story soon).

But even though I no longer work in corporate, I’m still a part of this system; it’s clear to me when I look around at our governments and see the structures that run so deeply into the essence of our current world.

It’s embedded in us.

While Pluto was in Capricorn (an earth sign), we were obsessed with the idea of having the all the things, the best things—the biggest house, the fancy car, the things that made us feel powerful. We wanted to get to the top of the mountain, like the mountain goat who stops at nothing to reach the peak.

We feared so deeply that there wasn’t enough, that we wanted it all for ourself.

We became more separated from our community while thinking we needed to figure it all out on our own.

The badge of success was determined by how much you had on the outside.

As we move into Pluto in Aquarius, society is shifting.

Aquarius is an air sign—it’s less about the materials and more about the intangible. Air represents our ideas, communication, and our network—connection.

More specifically, Aquarius is our community, tech, and humanitarian efforts.

It’s the sign of (r)evolution.

Aquarius is the inventor, the innovator, and the one who can see what is best for the collective.

This is where the pyramid begins to shift to a circle. The current systems are breaking down; we are seeing it live time. People no longer strive to get rich off of the pain of others, we no longer want to step on the heads of our community to get to the top, and we no longer want to commute an hour to work 10 hours in an office where people value profit over humanity.

For context: the last time Pluto was in Aquarius was from 1778-1798. During this time we saw the American, French, and Haitian Revolutions, along with the beginning of the Industrial Revolution.

We’re moving away from the obsession of things, to the depth of humanity and what we, as a community, can accomplish together.

We’re moving towards embracing our unique gifts that we bring to the world, as we begin to remember that we cannot survive this world alone. It takes a village to get shit done. We are all unique, and we all have something to offer.

It’s lonely at the top.

It’s important to note that Pluto exposes everything—the good, bad, and especially the ugly. It’s a transpersonal planet, which means it affects the collective on a deep level.

Photo by Jan Baborák on Unsplash

Pluto takes approximately 248 years to orbit the sun, and when it shifts signs it’s a big deal because it doesn’t happen often. When Pluto changes signs, it digs up a whole new set of issues that the world needs to see. Secrets that were hidden come to light, so we can shine the flashlight into the dark to rewire the roots that humanity is built on.

It excavates the hidden truths and asks us to take an honest look; when everything is on the table we can then work to transform the story.

It basically turns shit to compost.

Pluto is the planet of death, rebirth, and transformation—and death is not to be feared—it’s a natural part of the circle of life.

Without death there would be no new growth.

So as we venture into 2024 (until 2044), we will see the dark side of humanity, tech, and our larger systems—only when we see the gravity of what’s been hidden can we do something about it.

Our systems are about to go through a major overhaul.

We are responsible for the state of the world.

As much as we want to blame the government, the system, the patriarchy, *insert someone to blame here*—it’s up to us, as individuals, as a community, to make the world a more enjoyable, safe, humane place to live.

We are the government, the system, and the patriarchy. We are not separate.

It’s up to us, as humans, to dismantle the system that was built in the name of oppression and to create a new way that is truly for the people.

It’s up to us, as humans, to align our inner world with our outer world and shine lights on the dark parts we play as individuals, while committing to doing better.

If Pluto in Capricorn (2008-now) has taught us anything, it’s the there is no authority coming to save us. We are the authority of our own lives, and no amount of blame is going to get us where we want to go.

Part of this process is deciding what path you want to take. We make choices every single day, and when things feel out of control we need to remember that the only thing we can control is our own actions.

We can always make a new choice.

So as we move into this new era, I’ll leave you with these questions:

• Are you making the right choices that are in alignment with your heart?

• Are you willing to leave money on the table?

• What are you doing to make the world a better place?

I’m not saying you have to quit your shitty job like I did, but it’s definitely worth reflecting on how our actions, environments, and words are aligned (or not) with our values. Once we become aware of the part we play in the grand scheme of things can we begin to take steps that are in alignment with our values.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it time and time again.

It may feel as though your actions as an individual don’t matter, but they do.

Your actions matter.

Even if you are only one of 8 billion people in the world; imagine if every single person made one tiny shift towards the betterment of humanity. Imagine if everyone is living in full alignment. Imagine a world where our uniqueness is celebrated and we come together in community rather than fuelling the fires of division.

Pluto will be in Aquarius for 20 years, so we have time.

One thing I can guarantee is the world will look a hell of a lot different 20 years from now. Are you willing to play your part?